life shakes my hand

when the heart holds the hand of grief

it reminisces upon the days of yore
when life was gentler, foot steps softer
the breezes would ride on a subtle day
quietly onto the night’s shade to rest
the weary eyes, a tired soul to lay

the day shines of gold as the heart is warmed

a soul dances with the clouds as the sky touches
the ocean blue where the dolphins and orca
spring out from their abode displaying to the osprey
how two worlds can be as one

and as time avails long the hour and the day

but months and years race by too soon ravaging
from us without notice a piece of where love
is stored and shared at will with temporal beings
as they part without goodbyes only naked
memories left behind

but life is not swayed by the wind

it bares no bias toward a flower, a tree,
a mother, a child, a bird or a bee
tapping time on its shoulder to reclaim its fruit
a recycling of the balance in the universe
giving birth to another me, another you

‘untoll’ moment

the candle flame flickers

Its light pierces the dark
It dances about creating
moving shadows of objects still

my thoughts stream seemingly

inside my head as sad holds
the hand with joy, fear with peace,
calm with anguish and loneliness
stares and stares at love

a feeling of flux enters my soul

the wantonness of chaos as
i descend into an abyss such
the nature of the universe
i am a microcosm of its being

my heart beats hard and fast

i listen to its gurgling roars
like tiny ocean waves ebbing,
flowing into designated chambers
marrying with oxygenated breath

my soul, my incarnate being

transcend into a place where
all the voices ever spoken, music
ever played now reside where
there is no space or time

i’ll remain here for a moment

my memories have no place to go
what is salient no longer matters
as tears have ceased flowing and
the ache in my heart no longer tolls

life's path

so many paths i’ve taken

observing many a tree, cherishing
many a flower, in the many hours of walking by

i look around, watch the swift of wind

play with the daisies and the violets
and the pansies as they dance to and fro

every morning’s yellow radiant light

awakens to my souls delight
for another stroll into the night

today i walk another trail grey clouds

follow from above as my eyes witness
with the years, now a different shade of light

thus i wonder, on those paths i've walked,  

the pansies and the daisies, from before, are they
still dancing, though delicately now, in the wind ?

*dedicated to an artist, a grandfather, a father, a husband, a friend lost to tragedy but remembered.

  in life’s path we encounter many a flower. later we walk a different trail and wonder if that flower
  from before still sways in the wind. to find out a swift of wind has taken it to its resting place

   tim macdonald, RIP

love’s commitment

quietly we sit side by side

back and forth we rock while staring

into the mirror of lapsing time

arms around each other much like

identical twins conjoined at birth

as we embrace we look at our reflection

into each other’s face that stare back at us

now with folds on our cheek and brow

our smiles evince of dignity amidst the grey

 on the edges of my hair line and on

hers still with the same flowing beauty

she has displayed all along always next to me

so quickly through time we’ve traveled as

both mothers, a brother too young and a 'pup' our

child recently departed leave us with their memory

and still within us we breathe their breath

we reflect upon our journey hand in hand

with a promise to each other made so many

moons and suns before, to be apart nevermore

my friend, my boy

my heart is tugged by inconsolable pain

like ‘angel falls’, tears fall from sleepless eyes
yelping cries come loud from inside my head
my love is wrenched from within my soul

he lumbers about without sight or sound

his insides in discord and spins round and round
the verve, the joy seem to have waned
oh spirit of love, shall i release him from his pain

if you do not hear from me for a while, my friends

i am residing deep in the darkness of my soul
am cogitating upon the choice i must make
asking the universal spirit, his soul to take

if i could i’d exchange one small moment

of reprieve from his angst from the turmoil
he seems to live in his dreams and then
i would pray to his angel to give him peace

soon, all too soon a calm shall embrace his soul

he’ll dream the good dream and walk amidst
the river’s bank where he used to chase the geese
the squirrels, the leaves, the swirling wind

my friend, tell those you meet in your heaven

of our walks, of our talks, how we held
each other when no one else was around
i give you half of my heart to take with you
until our two halves meet again, my boy

calm and content

when corners are rounded

sharpness of edge are honed
the prickly of vitriol is mitigated
anger and hate, atoned

contentment in a life of extremes

is the soft breeze in the dawn
the glitter of but a few stars
winking behind the cloud covered sky

solitude provides room and space

to the charm of nature’s heraldry
and the songs of the ocean wave
while in it's wake the osprey play

in quiet and calm, a spring of knowledge come

this fruit is gathered in wisdom’s abode
and all other distractions no longer matter
for there’s love of peace and the peace of love

 

death be gone

i wish to talk to you about your imposition

you knocked upon my door when first i was born
and then when life was hard and much a burden
you teased me, enticed me with a supposed calm,
you said you'd end my anguish, my pain and my tears

when light appeared you would cloak me in your darkness

and as i walked upon a path of prickly pebbles reminding
me of the diurnal verve of life you’d place a shard of jagged
stone underneath my tender naked feet to remind me
of whence the light evinces that your dark so too resides

and when the wraps of Love did embrace me after so long

a query…" could i ever be afforded the wealth of such,
could my days and nights of longing be sated by its touch"
and so thus when its warmth finally availed my arms, my 
finger tips, you came and stole it, ripped it from my heart  

you’ve tattered my spirit upended my soul

and have raped me of the nature of my being
not allowing me either to quench my thirst or fill
my belly with the pleasures abided in this mundane abode
with your tugs and tows you tear apart my heart and soul

but to this end i do not fail to tell you

that until my destiny is fulfilled, telling of the Love
i feel and shields me from your unrelenting pull
the life within me shall not to your will descend
await your turn, be gone be gone, death be gone  

 

love dusk to dawn

tears also flow from the big and strong

they fall lightly though, most times unnoticed
when they scream alone in a space of quiet
silence falls on ears, unseen through eyes
of others

they carry upon their shoulders

many burdens brought to them
which is what they choose to do
for the weak, for those alone
and for the elders

but in this strength that they profess

to possess, a weakness in their heart
devours them so too in their soul a sense
ef demise envelops them thinking 
no one cares, no one knows

they’ve embraced the characteristics of love

its empathy attire, its cornucopia of humanity
some days they lend a shoulder and in
other days they share its wares and wealth

even the big and strong witness sadness for

those lost in life and those touched by death
and for sure to be forlorn by the loss of a
child who only in memory they'll be adorned

the bigger the heart the more it hurts, it hurts

and in their soul tears flow and flow
for they now know their strength came not
from brawn but from inside their loving heart
for this they are remembered after they are gone
much like the stars to night, like dusk to dawn

 

a walk

today i walked softly gently so as not to disturb

the tiny saplings and clovers on the bank of
this river’s bend quietly so as not to upend
the sound of the running stream o’er the
stones and sticks, slowly so as not to distract
little minnows swimming in their abode

i share this walk today with my two pups

jaz, my girl, as she jumps to try to catch
a butterfly that ascends surprisingly from the
clover and grass and my jules, my boy, who is
now aged deaf and blind but his head rapidly
sways back and forth his nose close to the ground
experiencing with his keen sense of smell
and ears that hear the butterflies wings flap

this river bank is where my solitude resides

where my haven of many reflecting moons
off the pristine water and the many dusks
and dawns holding many of my life’s diurnal
moans and tears and only the gentle breezes
still hold my secrets of when i learned to listen,
to breathe in deep in calm and peace and
hence i learned to see beyond myself

many a song i’ve sat here singing to the willows

whose fingers now hover over and touch the stream
to the maples who would gather the shade for me
to sit under as i would jot with pen and paper
my thoughts of dreams and love and a journey yet
to come. so here i am in my return, to thank the
willow and the maple for the wisdom they imparted
upon my nature.

a walk well worth my steps, severing my ties with ennui

a crow

love comes in different shades and sizes

it can be found in the darkest of places,
in the least of spaces:

a crow who befriended me, who

tolerated my species was visiting me
in the mornings. she was underneath the
feeders this morning lying on the ground.
i noticed that she seemed to be injured because
in seeing me approach her she flapped her wings 
but was seemingly unable to roll over and amble.  
i was going to remain at a distance and observe her.
sometimes these birds can mend and thrive without
human intervention. the day had been forecasted to
develop into an oppressively hot day and evening.
dusk came and i went out to check on her. still on her
side, i petted her around the nape area of her back.
her lamenting eyes looked up at me, with gloves on
i lifted her to looked underneath her wings and noticed
the talons on her feet were clenched tightly as if she
had a stroke, maybe from the oppressive heat.  
this being a Sunday evening, pet refuge centers
were not accessible at least near me and so in
a human empathetic attempt to comfort her, 
i placed fresh water in a shallow pan next to her
and laid some seed around her. lastly,  i placed
a mesh laundry basket over her as a protective measure
from potential predators, debris falling on her
and some protection from  elements of the weather
the next morning i went to check on her.
sadly, i observed underneath the basket, her eyes open
her talons clenched, her soul had departed
i left around her fresh bird seed and a flower
RIP my friend !

not my soul

in the black of a darken space i sit

and it tugs at my soul trying to pull it

out from it’s incarnate abode

 

cannot let it go for it’s not time

too much, yet, to see too much, yet, to do 

much more to cry and to smile about

 

and while the music plays on

i will dance and i will flail my hands

and arms toward the sky

letting it know that the heaven

sojourn will come soon enough 

 

now into the light i step

leaving the darkness behind

let life’s energy avail my soul

with a desire and wanting

to make a difference

before i go

halleluiah, life

in the dawn the flair of sunlight rises
and the choir of birds sing ‘halleluiah’
to the beginning of our new day
and that life is precious in each and
everyone’s own way

oh light of the universe, oh light of joy

bring forth this day’s abundance where
hands join and smiles evince in place of the
folded fist over the sadness and tears
over the hate and wars and heart scorned fears

rid from the minds of those where anger resides

destructive manners preside because they think
this, the only way they will survive, not knowing
that even in the marsh deep in forests, gather
species of all kinds and live in peace amongst each other

we must put our weapons down for they only

bring sadness and tears, they take away the
blossoming of life where love shares the space
and in due time the hand intertwined in another
will replace the clenched fist, the killing gun,
and we’ll grow old rejoicing that ‘life’ won

Death:

Death: it’s solemn, quiet, sometimes insidious

everyone feels the loss the emptiness the
wanting to be so strong and understanding of
something that is beyond all our grasps.
we say things thinking it will be encased
with human empathy, with understanding of
the loss but because our hearts are not the same
our souls may be but we won’t know

until we meet again. we’ll flounder about in space
and we’ll share the moment with the best of grace
yet all does nothing to assuage the pain, the loss,
the wondering, if but one more time,
i could have said ‘i love you’ , one more time
i could have taken you in my arms and said
‘you are part of me to no end’.

we will be together and journey in the same
unending path where your hand shall be in mine,
mi amiga, sing the song we sang together,
the violin whose strings you tickled so well,
i shall bring along so that Shumsky, Heifetz,
Zukerman, Perlman have nothing on us
while Mozart with baton, conducts,
leading us to the mellifluous chords and frets
residing, enmeshed, entwined in our souls

the smiles that smiled at us, that we shared
with so many will follow us to our new abode.
until then, thank you and let me shed my tears
and embrace those soft and wonderful memories

dedicated to my wife’s mother, Ruth, who passed away yesterday five minutes after my poor wife

had arrived in her room. my wife had driven ten and a half hours with her sister and her husband
after receiving a call from her brother the night before stating that their mother had stopped eating.
unfortunately I had to stay behind and babysit our two aging and sickly mini-poodles

 

in her eyes

songbirds wake me through my open window

as i roll over and there she is…long sinuous hair
and warm cheeks from the comfort of her sleep
her eyes still closed yet her eyelashes so long
they are entangled in her hair

her eyelids slowly open as my face lays

next to hers and i see the sky in her azure eyes
there's the moon and stars of our night before. slowly
her smile evinces with a radiance of the morning sun
so i need not bother looking outside my window 
to see the morning's glory for it's before me

i rise, walk out and feel the grass blades underneath

my naked feet and the breeze blows gently
from the northwest, fills my soul with
the verve of life… this gives me joy

if tomorrow i do not wake, i will have lived this

moment. i have loved and have been loved, seen
and witnessed much in this tenured life of more
days and nights, weeks months and years than many.
have felt pain and angst, smiles and tears, more
than some but surely much less than others…

if i have not become what others expected of me

and i, at moments, wondered if i could have. judge me not  
in your eyes as unaccomplished, fulfilled. do not tarry
or waste a second or minute of your concern for i am 
and have become the totality of my choices, my volition. 
for in this moment i have calm and joy in my soul and 
love fills my heart for i see the sun, the moon, the stars
before me, in her eyes

between night and day

sinuously the day comes as
the night departs miraculously
as the earth revolves as if
all was planned for us to sleep
to wake

and too

the scent of night is discernibly

different than that of the day
underneath the stars and moon
the smell of wet dew evince and form
atop the grasses and the petals on flora

and too

if one puts their ear to the silence

in the quiet in the dark one can hear
crinkling leaves and bowing blades of grass
under the weight of dew and the many
tiny tapping sounds of drops can be heard
falling from upper petals onto the lower ones

and too

the tiny feet and excavating mandibles

of little nibbles from earthbound critters
living a nocturnal life immersing  in
Nature’s sensorial waft from  
the composition of the floral eatery

and too

as the moon and tired glittery night

begins its dissent to rest letting the
sun awaken and the breath of yawning
flora and fauna arise to entertain
the day gives way the sleepy night
as the earth turns upon its axis
to beget the day

 

 

 

 

 

escape

when my footsteps have slowed nearing

the end of my stroll on the path i’ve chosen
having smelled the sassafras and the pine
eaten the wild berries and cherries
my heart has beaten in sync with love
and my eyes have shed the tears lamenting
the departure of joy

i want to hear the sound of a running brook

o’er limbs and stones
rustling leaves on trees from the breeze
and the songbirds singing later ascending to leave
their silhouettes pressed against the clouds that
soar across a now softly painted crimson sky

i wish to sit and watch the dusk roll in quietly

then hear crickets and cicadas begin their
chirping attending in their celebration until
the veil of darkness descends to visit with
the hoot of the owl and the whispering, settling
of night and the nocturnal calm arrives

my head tilts upward to gaze at tiny pin holes of light

dancing about in darken space of the sky and
a lunar smile looks down upon the cricket and the owl
whilst my eyes begin their slumber and
all else sleeps   

 

 

 

disheartened

my consciousness, my heart, my soul, is being melded
much to my disdain, against my conscious freedom of choice
by the stench of violence being perpetrated upon each other

we are angry, we are hating, we are no longer giving

value to life, to caring, to mother earth

all around those with power to make change are doing it

with destruction in their minds, in their hearts

i cry and sadness avails my soul when i wish to be joyful

because my heart aches, because my being is bombarded
by the destructive actions of man upon man and so
my 'being' reacts to this, not of my choice

if i isolate myself, insulate from what is happening around me,

i may experience temporary contentment but then, in
introspection, i wonder if my worth as a living being is of value

for now, i shall listen to music, i shall hear the whispering wind

outside my window and i shall gather my pup in my arms
kiss my love of life on her cheek while she sleeps
and hold them tight for at least this night

bluebirds at dawn

in the dawn bluebirds sing

and the rain filled clouds afford

the day a full display of their

magic colored scarves with

the helping fingers of the sun

 

i know somewhere for some

this rainbow is not within view

but only the dark clouds and storms

and for them no bluebirds can be

heard, no dawning of a dream

 

i can only hope that the universe in its

chaos and tumult will bring balance

so that those in the dark will lay their heads

to sleep and someday they’ll awaken

to songbirds, witness a rainbow in the light

of dawn giving rest to the storm

 

given it my best

laid my body at the end of day

tossed and turned could not rest
eyes closed they would not stay
the mind fussed about, still at play

an unusual darkness laid heavy on my soul

would not let me sleep, a heavy toll
my heart beat at a quicker pace
my breath waned, not, from the diurnal race

earlier in the day i had walked underneath

the clouds that made the sunlight grey
causing shadows of lilacs and lilies
look as if they were bending down to pray

and when the soft breeze blew by

gathered from the ocean and the sky
i felt the soul and spirit of life
cleansing me,  a moment free of strife

the days, now, seem to come and go so quickly

never enough time to mingle with the trees,
listen to the wind rustle its leaves or observe
the mountains shadows cast from moon beams
jiggling and dancing in the seas

i’m distracted by the staring eyes filled with

pain and angst from the hungry bellies
of humans cast aside, the forests burning
in the night, the earth no longer hides its anger 

and so when i lay my head to rest
i reflect upon my day accepting what
i can and cannot affect, only hope
to those i care for, those i love,
i've given nothing less than my best