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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Destitude Eyes

There’s a destitute I see in my eyes,
I’ve felt in my heart
The days of yore have come
to haunt me
The emptiness, the unfulfilled
Loved the fun
As a child not understanding
the angst or depression,
not knowing love
only capturing the moment's
journey and its affects of
temporary joy or the pain
of falling scraping my hands
on concrete pavement while playing
I recall, so poignantly, laying in bed
with the lights off, crying
I didn’t know why my tears
would flow and flow but I
cried and cried and cried
I like being loved but I
don’t know if I have been
or have loved. The days
have gone by so quickly
without enough embraces,
enough hugs. I think it’s from
childhood wishes, now in reflection,
of how there was so much emptiness
Others always seem to have so much
Then as I grew older and more
was made available to me
I squandered the riches only
because all I now wanted was to have fun
Fun that I didn’t have when younger
I’ve squandered moments with family,
moments with friends just so
I could go and have fun
never though did this fun
fill that emptiness, that loneliness,
that feeling of being alone
As time pressed, money, sex, cars
drink, food , things couldn’t fill the void
Still they don’t, still trying to learn to love
to find value in my life wanting to find
something, something that’s been missing
since I was but a little child