Saturday, January 15, 2022

perched on a sapling

 

i know my years gone by are too many too soon

my feels are that i have but scratched the surface

of a life not always well lived, although i have

painted my own canvas

 

i feel like a young bird that is perched on a sapling

singing my little heart to make rise my first morning

sun and not realizing the sapling i am perched upon l

will grow to be a grand old oak

 

in the morning the breath i take, although mine eyes

have not closed, transitioned from daytime reveries

to nighttime dreams, may be the first of the rising sun

but may also be my last

 

these words that i write today may be those of someone

else reading them long after my incarnate shell has

released its spirit, its soul from the tethers of this world,

from this transitory mortal stay

 

and whoever you are that is reading these words, please

sing them and never cease singing, for this sapling you’re

perched on will grow grand but you and she will depart

too soon, leaving your songs on this short sojourn

not ready to hear this

 

the love of my life, my partner, my wife said to

me the other day, almost whimsically, ‘ya know,

‘papa’, i’m ok if i die sometime in the near future

from this Leukemia. i have accepted my end, i’m

not afraid to die’. i walked away and into another

room in our abode, closed the door and tears flowed

and flowed because i can’t believe that she doesn’t

realize i may not feel the same, that I’m not ok if

she departs from my side sooner rather than later

 

i’m almost ten years her elder and of course i have

had similar thoughts, no fear, about my passing but

that’s because i’m older than her and these thoughts

considered, of our departure from this existence, is

that i wish for us two growing ‘old’ together, holding

each other as we traverse onto our transcending

journey, so to hear her utter these words to me really

hurt my heart and my spirit is disheartened with

this on my mind

 

i cannot bear the thought of losing her presence,

looking at her in front of me, staring deeply and

lovingly into those beautiful powder blues, hearing

her voice, holding her, kissing her every morning,

every day and always in the evening before resting 

our eyes to sleep, telling her ‘i love you more than

any human on this earth’. i think she knows this

because it is what i say to her every day, three times

every day.

 

the thought of losing someone that your whole being

is intertwined, enmeshed with, is what makes life so

much more painful than just the burdens of all the

other mundane struggles of life.

 

‘do not disdain portrayals of love or feign affection,

receive with open arms and heart life’s every emanation,

for loves will falter and tend to fade away and the heart

will be scorned and cry from day to day, do not fold within

like the flower that sleeps at the end of its season but, like

a perennial, leave a little room to start again’.

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

one more day stepping slowly

 

now into my latter years on this mundane sojourn

i walk slowly, step softly, look around more often,

breathe in deeply, touch the petals of flowers and

stop to observe the birds, squirrels, and chipmunks

 

i take walks with a quiet intent so that i can hear

the wind’s whispers, the tree leaves rustling, joyful

sounds of children playing, dogs barking, birds singing,

observe faces of people walking by

 

i come up to a maple tree that has witnessed all this but

from a different perspective of silently standing sturdy, it

stands on an embankment to a stream and so i sit quiet

at its base listening its water running o’er stones and

branches sharing with me its journey

 

i look upward to observe the clouds soaring by for they

 too have their stories and then luckily and by coincidence

while peering at the sky i witness a flock of birds dancing  

in the wind as then a hawk comes soaring while then the

birds take chase and so this vision sates my spirit

 

Sunday, January 2, 2022

i choose to love

 

in my youth too many days, too many years mine eyes

were closed, mine ears were deaf, for the life that i was

given was filled with too much grey mist and mirrors

and with too much noise

 

not until my life teetered into the jeopardy of no longer

existing did i open mine eyes looked around and began

to listen to the sounds beyond the noise, for i came to the

realization of how this life is a gift to be embraced

 

not unlike most sages in history, common human beings

like myself, question the existence of a deity, of a ‘maker’

with every excruciating anguish life has bestowed upon me,

wondering why there is no intervention to cease this pain  

 

like so many that have witnessed and have been victims

of life’s discomfit, tragedy, disenfranchised through natural

causes or destruction, of evilness from human persuasion

and the loss of loved ones, we experience this and question

 

but as i have been fortunate to have survived my personal

travesties and have been fortunate to have, somewhat with

grace, learned that life itself does not recognize my pain

and sorrow, so it’s my choice to accept and embrace it

 

the greatest lesson i have learned from life is that I have

a choice as to how i meet these challenges and whether i

disavow, disdain, hate or embrace life with love and i

have chosen to cry, to smile, most important, to Love

we are one so be kind

 

storms of life are destined to exfoliate us of

our thin skin of joy and comfort which we are

attired with as first we’re born into this world

aware of this, we can rejuvenate our skin by

choosing to witness the aesthetics to our eyes

beholding and listening to Nature’s music

 

of the wind’s whispers, the bird’s songs, the

trickling of a brook running, the sea’s clapping, 

the dolphin’s chatter, the orca’s echoing snort

 

surrounding ourselves with voices and spirits

that contribute to our spiritual growth, open

our eyes and heart to what is Love

 

we may choose to have our spirit dance with joy

but can’t unless we whisk the grime away that fills

Nature’s air and those causing It, who don’t care

 

For Nature is now exhaling with wanton destruction,

where the nascence of foliage is now in peril, and

fauna is hiding from tree limbs flying about, impaling

 

be kind to oneself, be caring, embrace all things

that life brings for we are part of all that resides

under the same moon and stars, the sun, on this

rock floating in a universe embracing the ‘One’

 

Monday, December 27, 2021

choose joy to be kind

 

it is moments like these where our hearts, our spirits

sit together and share our reminiscences, our sad,

our joy and hopefully we will focus on the nostalgia

of joy

 

for if the flower would hang out only when the mist

and grey hovered, its colors would not be as brilliant

its stem would not be as sturdy, and its stoma would

not flourish to feed the bees and birds

 

if the seas would wave, only, to the the moon at night

then the osprey would not soar and dolphins would

not jump, play and skip o’er glistening ocean white

caps under the gold rays of the sun

 

and so remember this moment of choosing joy in

lieu of the memory of misty grey for our choice will

grasp our hand and lead us, from this moment on,

toward kindness of our fellow ‘man’

Sunday, December 19, 2021

wishing for wings

 

i wish i could be gifted wings to fly alongside

life flying by thus i could grab nostalgia by the

hand, grab the feathers of my reminisces to

share life’s melodies and dance with those of  

whom i had intended but never did

 

wish i could do this now while the world is

spinning man made negatives thus I could

replace them with distractions of the hope

my heart once felt, mine eyes once captured

joys on ‘little tots’ faces

 

and these wings, gifted to me temporarily,

would allow me to soar above the swirling

negativity, grab those i love and take them

with me so that we could share the feeling

of flying above the vitriol, the hate

celebration for me with you

 

we enter into the time of year where the mind traverses

through memories, some nostalgic of sadness and some of

joy, In most cases of wishing to bring back the fondness of

moments yet sadness that they’re no longer with us

 

to many it’s a celebration, for but a moment, in a gathering

of friends and family that are still with us but this is why

sadness is predominant because we reflect upon those that

can no longer join us in this come together moment

 

my choice is not to focus on this one moment in time but i

prefer having these gatherings intermittently throughout

the year because life is fickle and very fleeting so i wish to

trick it by bringing together my love ones before they’ve left

 

want to share my love, i want to tell them i love them when

i wish to and not on some historical figure’s designated days

placed on the calendar of their liking, for their reasons and

not for the same purpose as mine

 

i want to dance with my choice of music, wish to flail my arms

and stomp my feet with my steps, to sing the words that come

from my heart, that lifts my spirit with the joy of laughter and

praise the spirit of my conviction

 

so to this, i say to all who read these, my words, hold your spirit

high, dance and sing, have those that are with you share in this

moment of joy, not because it’s a designate day of rejoicing but

because it’s your and your love ones day of celebration with

each other for life has wings and soars by quickly

 

Monday, November 29, 2021

my footprints remembered

 

i sit still, quiet, but with soft instrumental

music streaming, surrounding me, my heart

and spirit join as one in this moment of

solitude and introspection

 

the vibrations of the soft violin and acoustic

guitar strings incite my brain waves to traverse

thoughts about the footsteps left behind and

the path where they have taken me

 

realizing that the grass blades that had entwined  

under my feet as i traversed on my life’s sojourn

will never be pressed under my feet again and i

wonder if my avian friends that sang to me as

i walked by, will they remember me?   

 

Sunday, November 28, 2021

a reflection

 

a brisk cool has pierced the warmth of my abode,

it has chilled my uncovered bare feet, awaken me

and interrupted my nocturnal reverie as i open

mine eyes to witness the beginning of one more

day in the Gregorian calendar, and so in a few

more weeks, another annum of trying moments

will soon come to rest in my memory, in history

 

and like many, many others having tussled through

these last few years, resiliently pushed on with a

mindful conviction and personal commitment that

life shall provide better days ahead with choices

of surrounding oneself with kinder people, with

those that have common convictions of creating

our future days filled with kindness, love vs hate

Saturday, November 6, 2021

my heart beats on

 

when the fog of shadows lift, mine eyes see light

although my shoulders ache and my legs struggle,

still with verve, i move about

 

there are moments every day, every sleepless

night where my body wishes to cease to move

but my mind trudges on, so too my spirit

 

i seek not the tentacles of happiness for this concept

is nebulous at best, although its elements, joy and

contentment, are the fibers of the cloak love wears

 

recently, I’ve had moments where the shadows have

obscured the light but my spirit has been rekindled by

hands reaching out with love and so my heart beats on

 

and it’s this beauty of Nature that mine eyes doth

witness making my heart flutter, my spirit dance,

grateful of the fortunes in my life

Saturday, October 30, 2021

hues of my life

 

another Monday arrives in this month of October,

awaiting the soon to arrive November’s brisk and cold.

once again Sunday’s nocturnal stay battled and challenged

my sleep and dreams. three a.m. came along and i carried

my elder mini poodle outside to relieve herself. I place her

on the grass and like always, i look up at the sky, into the

noir of night to witness the smile of a bright and proud

moon and its twinkling friends. it seems that the star that

first captures mine eyes is one that i have seen so many

nights of my stay here on this floating rock. i think it now

knows me from my youth and thus returns my look.

as i witnessed this star a few times more, i named it the 

same as the loving nick name Mamasita had bestowed on

me, 'Nene’ and i think this star is her…

 

today i shall make ‘time’ my friend, not my nemesis

,all the years i’ve now left behind, have melded into

me and the moments of my life have molded me

 

i cannot change any moments of my past that may

have painted my life’s canvas with nebulous colors

at best or those that left shades of dark shadows

 

but like all aged, light damaged paintings covered

in a film of dust and suet, they can be renewed by

cleansing and refreshing the canvas by the same

hand that held the brush

 

the choices of which i make from now on the colors

i use shall renew and refresh the rest of the time on

this mundane canvas and i will choose my colors to

paint my life’s canvas with bright and positive hues  

becoming

 

if one pedal of a daisy or leaf on the stem of a sunflower is

discolored, it does not mean the whole flower is waning of life

but it then drops that one pedal or leaf and the life of the

flower will live on

 

when a snake sheds its skin, this does not mean it is dying but

it is purging of its former self and becomes anew and when a

caterpillar leaves its multipedal terrestrial shell, it transcends

into a miraculous mariposa

 

when the earth spews hot lava through a mountainous portal

and the arboreal canvas is burned to ashes and new seedlings

grow or when winds and storms uproot living flora then once

again, Earth’s Nature rejuvenates   

 

if this be the case, then cannot a human being depose its less

than stellar human moral foibles and transition to becoming

a flower that is reborn, or like a caterpillar into a butterfly or

the rejuvenated landscape, thus, to eschew ‘hate’ and become

a spirit of love?

unmitigated love for you

 

how many more ‘I’m sorry’ do i have left in me,

more important is how many more will you accept?

 

you accept that i am ‘human’ with many foibles

but will your heart begin to wane of forgiveness?

 

my love for you is endless and when i make mistakes

that hurt you, i am less likely to forgive myself than you

of me

 

if some day my mind will understand my heart and visa

versa, it will show that of all my human foibles, my greatest is

the unrelenting ‘sorry’, but not of the love i have for you

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

our need to be loved

 

what must i do to escape from the tethers of my vices, so

that my spirit can dance without restraints or constraints,

my heart can love without obstruction and my chi, will

and shall witness peace and calm?

 

i am fond of living, love the morning sunrises, love the

Moon that glows with mystery and the stars tickling

the noir of the night sky causing crickets to chirp, cicadas

being relentless in piercing the silence of sleep

                                     

and as i sit in my chosen corner, in the dark, alone with

thoughts of who i am, what i have become why i’m here, who

shares of this love in my heart and if the gift of tomorrow

arrives once more in spite of my human foibles, will i still be loved?

 

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Love never sleeps

Love, i wish to breathe you with every breath

i take and scale life’s fascia with your presence

when i begin to feel the angst and see the

careless and wanton slings of pain and hurt

man thrusts upon each other.

 

do not desert me, love, but grab me, embrace me

with your strength from the beginning of the day

when the sun first shines light into mine eyes and

the dusk brings forth and clears the day for a smiling

moon that's on its way bringing along with flickering

friends of the of the night sky whilst my eyelids begin

to wave hello to the reveries and dreams of sleep.

 

so lay here next to me, oh love, and hold tight my soul

until i wake so when first mine eyes open, they will

be witness to the beauty of nature’s hand and the

feeling of you caressing my heart


Saturday, September 18, 2021

joyful dawning of today

 

The cool in the first days of September are made

more memorable when the sounds of crickets pierce

the silence of nocturnal sleep of all that is life through

an open window and through the noir of night until

this morning’s delight

 

and i wait till the horizon’s light of a rising sun ascends

to the transitioning chorus of cardinals, wrens and

robins that remain behind to awaken the day giving

pleasure to my ears and soon my restless eyes

 

my heart begins to flutter with joy that i am present

amidst all this, one more day, and soon to feel the

warm embrace of my lovely wife followed by a gentle

kiss and the soft greeting of her voice, ‘good morning’

 

i cherish that i can, one more day, carry my aging mini-

poodle outside, now eighteen almost nineteen, because

she can no longer climb steps, then comes the sound of

little paws from our other mini-poodle scampering down

from the upstairs bedroom where she sleeps with my wife

 

i am joyful for the dawning of today

i shall recover

 

my heart hurts and my spirit is injured

i hope that both can recover

if the flower can sleep at the end of its season

and evince as new the next spring

then i should be able to, also

 

if the sun sets, rests at the end of the day

lets the moon have its stay

then arise from its sleep the next morning

then i should be able to, also

 

and even if my incarnate being, my body

goes to sleep to rest, to allay its time from

this mundane sojourn, its spirit shall once

again rise, maybe in a transcendent realm

but i should be able to, also

unmitigated love for you

 

how many more ‘I’m sorry’ do i have left in me,

more important is how many more will you accept?

 

you accept that i am ‘human’ with many foibles

but will your heart begin to wane of forgiveness?

 

my love for you is endless and when i make mistakes

that hurt you, i am less likely to forgive myself than you

of me

 

if some day my mind will understand my heart and visa

versa, it will show that of all my human foibles, my greatest is

the unrelenting ‘sorry’, but not of unmitigated love i have for you

 

Remember me

 

when my body will no longer hold me inside

and my feet no longer can walk and dance

my arms are not able to hold you any more

my heart will remember the love i held within

 

will my soul remember my incarnate being after

it has been set free like the flower to the tree,

the river to the ocean, the moon beams to the sea,

the wind that blows the autumn leaves and like

all of this, will you remember me?