sweet memory

Tenderly I’ve stroked your ears

rubbed your eyes
kissed your lips
held your hand
we’ve listened to each others heart
wiped each others tears

now distance has replaced

the presence of your lovely face

no longer do you hear me

nor see me when I look at you
you’ve forgotten the moist
warmth of our kisses
and their intended consequences
your fingers no longer
intertwine in mine
to pull us toward each other

our two hearts still beat

though no longer in rhythm and sync
our tears, yes our tears
are shed but for different causes
different reasons no longer do
you wipe them as you walk away

we’ve lost each other

in the haze the maze of life

I have

the sweet memory  
of your voice
the sparkle of your eyes
the warm memory
of your soft skin pressed
against mine
your tender lips
but not least
the memory that once in time
our two hearts
beat as one

mist of 'life'

I am the wet grey mist

that hovers in the dusk
next to street lamps
rolls in with the morning dew
sometimes I’m mistaken by fog
when I ascend from the waters’ edge

you walk in me and through me

inhale me into your being not
knowing you have assimilated
with my soul the only thing
you know is that your blouse
is damp and moist it clings
to your back and enhances the
soft voluptuousness of your breast

your hair begins to strand

down your shoulders as if you just
walked out of the shower
and had not dried it yet
your brow beads with
drops of my soul it glistens
on your face

you begin to realize that I’m

there inside you everywhere
and as you stroll slowly methodically
down the cobblestone street
you gaze upon the verdant rolling hills
and you tilt your head upward
and gaze upon the sky
giving praise that you are here
I am the mist of ‘life’

Fiftieth Anniversary

I’m reminded that it’s not about me

when I think of Martin Luther  King and
the march in Washington DC in
nineteen sixty three but before came
nineteen sixty one and nineteen sixty two,
respectively, Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu

We arrive at the fiftieth anniversary

where much blood was spilled, lives
lost so that equality and liberties
would apply to human beings in spite
of color and ethnicity, gender or individual
choice and proclivities

I’m saddened by the evil face

that has recently evinced
surreptitious in its mimes
depicting from the times
where supremacy and rule
of a certain race and subjugation
of the ‘colored’ face

The rule of law is being manipulated

to meet the needs of a particular class
and our jurisprudence system is being
presently applied with much prejudice
toward religion, gender, economic status
disability, the aged and ethnicity.

It’s being masked by insidious forces

using language connoting illegalities
represented by the face of ‘color’
being portrayed as the threat that’s
deteriorating America’s Constitution,
not written as the ‘white Man’s law’

Lady Liberty’s torch that lights

the sky with the implied quote of
Martin Luther King, “ I Have A Dream”,
has run out of fuel, the book she holds
in her arm has not been read, lately and
her sister that holds the justice scale
has become unbalanced and her
blindfold keeps her from noticing

Will we once again find fuel to re-light

the welcoming torch, re-read the book
she holds and relieve the blindfold
but for a moment so that lady justice
may find a more equitable balance
on her scale?

our song

When the minutes and seconds arrive

just before I must leave this behind
I will inhale deep once more
and hope your nearby
so that you’re the air
that I breath

I will take with me memories

of oceans and skies
whispers in my heart will be
from nights spent with you
our times holding hands
under the evening’s sky
its colorful hue

I fear not my leave

for the life I did weave
with you by my side
in the last hours before sleep
share our bodies warmth
one last kiss on thy cheek

I shall hum me a tune

that reminds me of you
when our two hearts danced
as we counted the stars
under a blue moon
then strolled in the beach
as the sun cooled its feet
in the sea

I have no regrets

as my time was well spent
for I loved and I lost,
my pains at small cost
and so when I transition
into my gossamer wings
you’ll hear me sing our song
in your daytime reveries
and nighttime dreams

my wild forest

walking barefoot upon the grass

in my back yard
the Robins, Blue-Jays and Cardinals
try to impress each other

I think of Eagles nesting in the wild

the osprey and seaguls in the oceans
blue and grey Herons in wetlands
all within the reach of my imaginings

three wild squirrels jump down

from limb to limb on an Oak
that hovers over some tender brush
they skirmish and chatter
letting other tiny rodents know
we are the keepers

I think of Asian tigers

wild hedgehogs and gymnures
in the forests and paddies of Vietnam
roaring and snorting asserting
their reign in their domain

flowers of which were tilled

by my own hand assemble quietly
in my garden and the fountain
splashes soothingly onto man made
basins but its pleasing to my eyes
and baths for my feathered friends

I think of the Cascade and Alberta falls

In the Rocky Mountains where their
prominence befalls them with majesty
and wild flowers grow at their feet
with salmon and carp spewed for the
bear to eat

I look up at the white cotton splayed

azure sky and know that it also hovers
in the same where the oceans
make mile high waves and where
continents still belie supposed civilized hand
so I walk barefoot in my wild forest
on this fine day

kiss

my eyes opened today

I smile at your presence
it's in anticipation of that
first kiss of the day

in the most gentleness I know

I place my hands upon your cheeks
slowly bring you toward me
you allow my lips
to touch yours

and when that softness

bares its intended desire
I let it flow through me
like a firefly in the dusk,
I glow

My Shadow

naked I stand before you

just hair skin and bones
I possess nothing that is physical
my hair turns grey without
my knowing or wishing it
my skin wrinkles and peels
the muscles that held it taught
now weak beyond my control
my bones have become brittle
they ache and show signs of bending
when once they stood erect
they do this without my wanting

thoughts I carry are mine, though,

they prance about as I wish
I can express them with words
at least to the extent of my abilities
my hearts soul floats sometimes
in selfless ways but seemingly
always desiring of care and love
I am willing to share its spirit
whenever to whatever and whoever
wishes to share

have seen an abundance of suns
the winds have carried

its shadow before millions of stars
and thousands of moons
it has shared dreams
many with eyes wide open
  
my thoughts and my hearts soul
are the only things I possess
I am willing to share them
with whatever other shadows
riding the wind but ithey must
embrace my gift 
in its heartfelt and soulful wrappings  

white lucidity

This sphere upon which

I now ride
allows me to soar
it gives me space
when before so much
had dark’nd with clutter
and now that I have
emptied it of what is
of less worth to me
this space is blank,
it’s white

Lucidity

Wisdom
Knowledge,
in this order,
my home is supported
by pillars of this form
all of which were built
upon each other

they’re painted in coated

layers of passion reds
emotional blues
translucent yellow tears
purple salient grit

this grit is made

from smiles and many
caring embraces
from reveries and dreams
of special places
heartfelt honesty
its sturdiness
and strength,
from Love

today, I fly

The sky azure today

 with white cottons
splayed about
a  calm display
it quiets
my soul
slows the beat of
my heart

I need this

in lieu of a fire
that’s been burning
inside me  for some time
now

my nights filled

with unrest
sleep being
a cherished
commodity,
dreams, a treasure

the demons of life

are pulling me
wanting to thrust
me into a dark abyss
where only depression
and anguish
befits

I choose to sing

to bring me out
of the dark and grey
but the score of words
seem to come filled
with tears of
forlorn

this translucent blue

and its soft attire
hopefully shall bring  
my feathered friends
who will sing to me
and they will share
their sky, they understand,
today, I am also
needing to fly

Heart out of Time

words written in order, sequence, chronology

always knowing the time, the day, the week
of this I have little understanding

my heart beats because it must

it has no rhythm that it must follow
my thoughts all come juxtaposed

my memories come in portions

in bundles and these are remembered
depending on the passion of that moment

when I’d prick my hand in a thorn bush

or wallowed in the waft of flower beds
a first soft touch of a woman’s skin
my desires were lofted onto sky rockets
and since then I lust for a repeat
of this sensual ride

I remember but not in the order

of which they took place
I just know of when my dark blood
ran fast through me
and the saline drops trickle down
dispersing from out the sides of my eyes
this from a despair of knowing
this too will soon pass
and only a beat-less heart
would remain
with juxtaposed memories
and blood that turned the color,
flowing through all others,
a dispassionate light red

Purging

I find my moments my days lately

filled like an abysmal  repository
with negative feelings
 
 My mind has wandered
into a cave filled with shards of mindless
objections to all that surrounds me
 
My cup once kept tepid with a little hope
salvaged from many aging but savory memories
is now leaking and the lukewarm brim
is chilling my lips that wish to sip
 
The constant rain day after day
has dampened my spirit where once
it wore ebullience and joy in a mindful
choice of attire
 

      ~ Rainy Landscape~

 

…Each drop of rain is my failed life weeping in nature.

There’s something of my disquiet in the endless drizzle,
then shower, through which the day’s sorrow uselessly
pours itself out over the earth

…It rains and keeps raining. My soul is damp from hearing it.

An anguished cold holds my poor heart in its icy hands.
The grey hours get longer, flattening out in time; the moments drag.
So much rain.

…A cold hand squeezes my throat and prevents me from

Breathing life.

…Everything is dying in me, even the knowledge that I can dream!

I can’t get physically comfortable. Every soft thing I lean against
hurts my soul with sharp edges. All eyes I gaze into are terribly
dark in this impoverished daylight, propitious for dying without pain.

The Book of Disquiet: Frenando Pessoa

Love's Lore

In your embrace

cockles of your
heart
gentle thoughts
of your
mind
the tender
of your
face

lights of night

creating shadows
in the dark
the only sounds
can be heard
are my tear drops
falling to the
ground
my hearts beat
thinking of your
absence
and sweet memories
rustling in
my head

my arms are
to my side
naked feet
feel the wet
of grasses
between my
toes
the waft
of nighttime
air
and tears
taken shelter
in my nasal
hair

the journey

has been fair
more kind
and gentle
than most
I suppose
but because
of this
the torment
to my soul
now that you
have left
is why
the pain
is

so great

if I could

change but one
moment of my
life I’d make
the moment
of your embrace
last for one
more minute
than before
so that
in my heart
our love
would become
lore
and loneliness
nevermore

  

Lost in the Vastness

I was told

look for that large ocean
it has it all
the grandness of size
the vastness of space
where all that swims resides
it is greater than all the
streams, rivers and lakes

In my world

when I would swim in streams
I felt like a large
yellow goldfish
then in fresh river water
I would be the
talk of all the fins
I wouldn’t scale back
showing off the pinkness
of my skin
and in the lake
I was king

But then when I reached

the ocean
most large it was
with all the varying types
but the waves were too large
with time my scales
became feathered
I was small in its vastness
naked and bare
I had lost my identity

I struggled in

the oceans tide
became tired quickly
couldn’t swim with the
stream and floundered
and floundered
till I lay my head
on the beach to
sleep

balance act

Observed this young squirrel

traversing the slightest of limbs
carefully it balances itself
but suddenly it missteps
falls at least three limbs from
the lowest limb
falls on the ground but on
its feet then scurries
back up the tree

I feel like that squirrel

yet when I’ve fallen
from high up I’ve
not fallen on my feet
and I’ve been gravely hurt
not so much physically
but in the heart and mind
my soul laments but
feels that no one hears
its howls and whispers

Not, ‘woe is me’

just an observation
for there are many
squirrels attempting
this balance act
and have fallen
hurt from the fall
unable to scurry back up
or choose not to attempt
that challenge again

Loves Despair

Love had been

unattainable
for so long

it had always

avoided me
hid in shadows

I had known of it

from books I’d read
stories I’d been told

songs I would hear

spoke of it
in the air

sometimes I thought

I had seen it
In a sunrise

when birds would

preen each other
and mothers
would feed their pups

but through this

all happening before
my eyes my heart
would flutter
yet not understand

until that day

you walked in front
of me in a moment
of my despair
you smiled and
took my hand
your touch interrupted
my Hearts beat
then I understood
Love begins
with care

 

 

Oh night

Oh, night,

you force me to dream
those dreams of nocturnes
pose the queries
where no answers
are to be found

you gather together

my hopes and wishes
knowing they’re
only a tease
but they give me joy
if only for a little while

I fly with the birds

In and out of clouds
the wind tickling
the naked of my
chest and legs
unabashed
through nebulous
colors in rainbows

 I soar looking down

at faces from the past
and those who held
my hand as if we all
were together again
without worries
without cares

Oh night,

when I close my eyes
for you ironically
I see the light
you sometimes cause me
to ponder… what would it
be like
to not open my eyes

  

Father's Day

In the wake of this celebration,
I toast to you who truly appreciate
the meaning of Father’s day

Not to change the course of history

but I shall celebrate once more
the figure that took its place
filling the role of loving parent

She did not show me how

to change a tire or oil
or catch a baseball in a glove
or build my muscles by picking
hundred pound weights
above my head

She taught me how to roll
the flour for tortillas and 
make aroz con pollo

she taught me that to sing
while cooking would make
the food taste better

How to wash dishes

and clean the house
how to iron my own
shirts and pants
to be thankful for what we have,
before I’d go to bed

I lost out on 'old school' traditions

of fathers showing sons what’s
underneath the hood  but 
in lieu, the time we'd share
a loving single Mothers care

she fulfilled both roles
of parenting came to watch me
play my sports, with hugs
a plenty when I'd get hurt.
she instilled in me a great
appreciation, in the absence
of a father figure,
a true parents worth

Happy Father’s Day, Mother

I Remember

I remember:

this large grandiose mountain

standing hovering over our little house
at the end of our dirt road
in Torreon, Coahuila Mexico

the adobe house with an open

roof in the middle courtyard of my abuelito’s
casa where mamasita and us kids stayed
after papa abandoned us

sleeping on a concrete floor, roofless courtyard,

in the middle of my grandparents house
grandma would keep her chickens, hens
and a couple of roosters

at night I’d lay looking up at the sky

admiring the twinkling stars
I could see the tip of this mountain
kissing the moon and tantalizing the stars

ten years pass, I’m laying in the back yard

now at Mamasitas house in Northern Indiana
looking up at the stars and noticing they’re
the same one’s I witnessed in Mexico
except two new ones, probably my abuelitos,
having joined to share the night sky’s opus

I Remember:

last night I laid out in my patio

looking up at this concert of twinkling
and noticed a star bristling brighter than
all the rest, I think it was mamasita winking at me

my love and I have no biologic children

so I wonder sometime in the future will
someone look up at the dazzling night sky
and notice my wife smiling and
me winking down at them?

lilacs in the field

the heart shatters

wer’st you not
to stay

after so much

laughter
after so much
play

we ran through

lilacs in the field
while the wheat
being tilled
we dared to lay
there still

the red blood sky

appeared and we
laid there waiting
for its sun dressed kiln

didn’t have cares to worry

only sweat beads
from our brow
two clammy little hands
clenched together
we’d be friends forever

no one or anything
would part our hearts
much like Moses
with the Egyptians
and the seas

the calm and peace

we gathered in those moments
would tether us forever
even in this after life
where your token’s
now being spent

no one can separate

our two hearts
or send our souls
asunder
we lay there, still,
with the lilacs
in the field

safe place

Mama Zen's request
53 words of a

safe place:

large Oak

limbs and fingers
stretch wide
watching over
the space where Mamas
house once stood
I sit in lotus
at its base
the Oak and me
face to face
close my eyes
slowly breathe in deep
Ohm Ohm Ohm
release my being
no longer me
I am the tree
I can see