I find my moments my days
lately
filled like an abysmal repositorywith negative feelings
My mind has wandered
into a cave filled with shards of mindless
objections to all that surrounds me
My cup once kept tepid with a little hope
salvaged from many aging but savory memories
is now leaking and the lukewarm brim
is chilling my lips that wish to sip
The constant rain day after day
has dampened my spirit where once
it wore ebullience and joy in a mindful
choice of attire
~ Rainy
Landscape~
…Each drop of rain is
my failed life weeping in nature.
There’s something of
my disquiet in the endless drizzle,then shower, through which the day’s sorrow uselessly
pours itself out over the earth
…It rains and keeps
raining. My soul is damp from hearing it.
An anguished cold
holds my poor heart in its icy hands.The grey hours get longer, flattening out in time; the moments drag.
So much rain.
…A cold hand squeezes
my throat and prevents me from
Breathing life.
…Everything is dying
in me, even the knowledge that I can dream!
I can’t get physically
comfortable. Every soft thing I lean againsthurts my soul with sharp edges. All eyes I gaze into are terribly
dark in this impoverished daylight, propitious for dying without pain.
The Book of Disquiet:
Frenando Pessoa
antonio, are these your words or those of pessoa? i was immediately struck by them and profoundly. and then off i was to discover the book of disquiet which i had not encountered before. (i thank you for this.)
ReplyDeletewhile i read i wanted to urge you (or pessoa) to note that we are two selves, or so it seems to me, one of the ego and the other which is connected to the whole, the selfless self:) the cruel pain seems to come from the ego. i'm not sure which pain, if any, comes from the selfless self, but when "Each drop of rain is my failed life weeping in nature." necessarily (somehow) it is the time to press toward being filled with the selfless self to find once again the way to the whole. (but what do i know? this is only where i am finding myself lately, however it feels true.)
"Every once in a while I do my escape from the self exercise by sitting in front of something other than a human being, living or inanimate, and releasing my sef and becoming the other. It is a moment of non-cognition." you can do this? how? (i was startled to be reminded that this is possible.)
xo
erin
Your post describes perfectly the listlessness, gloom, and hopelessness that weeks of rain can cause. It's been raining constantly around here, and even when it's not, the humidity level is so high that the air feels like soup. I'm droopy, and my thoughts are waterlogged. Let's hope for some sun SOON!
ReplyDeleteLolamouse, mi amiga, Yes been raining here also. This piece was inspired by its constant presence.
ReplyDeleteThe restlessness can be inspirational.
Yes, erin, a combination of my words and Pessoa's.
My reference to pain is an ego manifestation. Remember that this piece I named: Purging
Thank you for referring to one of my statements concerning escaping the self and becoming that which is before you. This escape or release of the self is the conduit to the sfless self, the whole, the One (Tao)
Enjoy; The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa.
I found that his beautiful writing is an irony to the sadness of his perception of his journey.
truly hope this is poetic license and not a feeling you are having right now. we all have moments of this, for sure, but hopefully not lasting long.
ReplyDeleteI too hope you aren't in this gray despair! Yet I do understand the mood it sets-when it lingers too long!
ReplyDeleteI have felt it myself recently. This is gorgeous to read and I love all that you shared~
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A fantastic write, and I resonated with the discussion following too, very much. Your "cup" stanza is especially remarkable. Wow!
ReplyDelete