Heart out of Time

words written in order, sequence, chronology

always knowing the time, the day, the week
of this I have little understanding

my heart beats because it must

it has no rhythm that it must follow
my thoughts all come juxtaposed

my memories come in portions

in bundles and these are remembered
depending on the passion of that moment

when I’d prick my hand in a thorn bush

or wallowed in the waft of flower beds
a first soft touch of a woman’s skin
my desires were lofted onto sky rockets
and since then I lust for a repeat
of this sensual ride

I remember but not in the order

of which they took place
I just know of when my dark blood
ran fast through me
and the saline drops trickle down
dispersing from out the sides of my eyes
this from a despair of knowing
this too will soon pass
and only a beat-less heart
would remain
with juxtaposed memories
and blood that turned the color,
flowing through all others,
a dispassionate light red

Purging

I find my moments my days lately

filled like an abysmal  repository
with negative feelings
 
 My mind has wandered
into a cave filled with shards of mindless
objections to all that surrounds me
 
My cup once kept tepid with a little hope
salvaged from many aging but savory memories
is now leaking and the lukewarm brim
is chilling my lips that wish to sip
 
The constant rain day after day
has dampened my spirit where once
it wore ebullience and joy in a mindful
choice of attire
 

      ~ Rainy Landscape~

 

…Each drop of rain is my failed life weeping in nature.

There’s something of my disquiet in the endless drizzle,
then shower, through which the day’s sorrow uselessly
pours itself out over the earth

…It rains and keeps raining. My soul is damp from hearing it.

An anguished cold holds my poor heart in its icy hands.
The grey hours get longer, flattening out in time; the moments drag.
So much rain.

…A cold hand squeezes my throat and prevents me from

Breathing life.

…Everything is dying in me, even the knowledge that I can dream!

I can’t get physically comfortable. Every soft thing I lean against
hurts my soul with sharp edges. All eyes I gaze into are terribly
dark in this impoverished daylight, propitious for dying without pain.

The Book of Disquiet: Frenando Pessoa

Love's Lore

In your embrace

cockles of your
heart
gentle thoughts
of your
mind
the tender
of your
face

lights of night

creating shadows
in the dark
the only sounds
can be heard
are my tear drops
falling to the
ground
my hearts beat
thinking of your
absence
and sweet memories
rustling in
my head

my arms are
to my side
naked feet
feel the wet
of grasses
between my
toes
the waft
of nighttime
air
and tears
taken shelter
in my nasal
hair

the journey

has been fair
more kind
and gentle
than most
I suppose
but because
of this
the torment
to my soul
now that you
have left
is why
the pain
is

so great

if I could

change but one
moment of my
life I’d make
the moment
of your embrace
last for one
more minute
than before
so that
in my heart
our love
would become
lore
and loneliness
nevermore

  

Lost in the Vastness

I was told

look for that large ocean
it has it all
the grandness of size
the vastness of space
where all that swims resides
it is greater than all the
streams, rivers and lakes

In my world

when I would swim in streams
I felt like a large
yellow goldfish
then in fresh river water
I would be the
talk of all the fins
I wouldn’t scale back
showing off the pinkness
of my skin
and in the lake
I was king

But then when I reached

the ocean
most large it was
with all the varying types
but the waves were too large
with time my scales
became feathered
I was small in its vastness
naked and bare
I had lost my identity

I struggled in

the oceans tide
became tired quickly
couldn’t swim with the
stream and floundered
and floundered
till I lay my head
on the beach to
sleep

balance act

Observed this young squirrel

traversing the slightest of limbs
carefully it balances itself
but suddenly it missteps
falls at least three limbs from
the lowest limb
falls on the ground but on
its feet then scurries
back up the tree

I feel like that squirrel

yet when I’ve fallen
from high up I’ve
not fallen on my feet
and I’ve been gravely hurt
not so much physically
but in the heart and mind
my soul laments but
feels that no one hears
its howls and whispers

Not, ‘woe is me’

just an observation
for there are many
squirrels attempting
this balance act
and have fallen
hurt from the fall
unable to scurry back up
or choose not to attempt
that challenge again

Loves Despair

Love had been

unattainable
for so long

it had always

avoided me
hid in shadows

I had known of it

from books I’d read
stories I’d been told

songs I would hear

spoke of it
in the air

sometimes I thought

I had seen it
In a sunrise

when birds would

preen each other
and mothers
would feed their pups

but through this

all happening before
my eyes my heart
would flutter
yet not understand

until that day

you walked in front
of me in a moment
of my despair
you smiled and
took my hand
your touch interrupted
my Hearts beat
then I understood
Love begins
with care

 

 

Oh night

Oh, night,

you force me to dream
those dreams of nocturnes
pose the queries
where no answers
are to be found

you gather together

my hopes and wishes
knowing they’re
only a tease
but they give me joy
if only for a little while

I fly with the birds

In and out of clouds
the wind tickling
the naked of my
chest and legs
unabashed
through nebulous
colors in rainbows

 I soar looking down

at faces from the past
and those who held
my hand as if we all
were together again
without worries
without cares

Oh night,

when I close my eyes
for you ironically
I see the light
you sometimes cause me
to ponder… what would it
be like
to not open my eyes

  

Father's Day

In the wake of this celebration,
I toast to you who truly appreciate
the meaning of Father’s day

Not to change the course of history

but I shall celebrate once more
the figure that took its place
filling the role of loving parent

She did not show me how

to change a tire or oil
or catch a baseball in a glove
or build my muscles by picking
hundred pound weights
above my head

She taught me how to roll
the flour for tortillas and 
make aroz con pollo

she taught me that to sing
while cooking would make
the food taste better

How to wash dishes

and clean the house
how to iron my own
shirts and pants
to be thankful for what we have,
before I’d go to bed

I lost out on 'old school' traditions

of fathers showing sons what’s
underneath the hood  but 
in lieu, the time we'd share
a loving single Mothers care

she fulfilled both roles
of parenting came to watch me
play my sports, with hugs
a plenty when I'd get hurt.
she instilled in me a great
appreciation, in the absence
of a father figure,
a true parents worth

Happy Father’s Day, Mother

I Remember

I remember:

this large grandiose mountain

standing hovering over our little house
at the end of our dirt road
in Torreon, Coahuila Mexico

the adobe house with an open

roof in the middle courtyard of my abuelito’s
casa where mamasita and us kids stayed
after papa abandoned us

sleeping on a concrete floor, roofless courtyard,

in the middle of my grandparents house
grandma would keep her chickens, hens
and a couple of roosters

at night I’d lay looking up at the sky

admiring the twinkling stars
I could see the tip of this mountain
kissing the moon and tantalizing the stars

ten years pass, I’m laying in the back yard

now at Mamasitas house in Northern Indiana
looking up at the stars and noticing they’re
the same one’s I witnessed in Mexico
except two new ones, probably my abuelitos,
having joined to share the night sky’s opus

I Remember:

last night I laid out in my patio

looking up at this concert of twinkling
and noticed a star bristling brighter than
all the rest, I think it was mamasita winking at me

my love and I have no biologic children

so I wonder sometime in the future will
someone look up at the dazzling night sky
and notice my wife smiling and
me winking down at them?

lilacs in the field

the heart shatters

wer’st you not
to stay

after so much

laughter
after so much
play

we ran through

lilacs in the field
while the wheat
being tilled
we dared to lay
there still

the red blood sky

appeared and we
laid there waiting
for its sun dressed kiln

didn’t have cares to worry

only sweat beads
from our brow
two clammy little hands
clenched together
we’d be friends forever

no one or anything
would part our hearts
much like Moses
with the Egyptians
and the seas

the calm and peace

we gathered in those moments
would tether us forever
even in this after life
where your token’s
now being spent

no one can separate

our two hearts
or send our souls
asunder
we lay there, still,
with the lilacs
in the field

safe place

Mama Zen's request
53 words of a

safe place:

large Oak

limbs and fingers
stretch wide
watching over
the space where Mamas
house once stood
I sit in lotus
at its base
the Oak and me
face to face
close my eyes
slowly breathe in deep
Ohm Ohm Ohm
release my being
no longer me
I am the tree
I can see


 

innocent smile

if I could but see

one more time
the light that met my eyes
when first they opened
as I lay my head
upon mother’s bosom

on that day of my birth

when warmth radiated
upon my face
with ebullient joy
seeing innocent smiles
of those hovering
over me  

it was not the light

of the Sun or
of the day but
the light emitting
from the aura
of love

might this be the light

seen in the mind’s eye
when life’s breath
ceases in the incarnate
being and its soul
is touched by
the universal spirit

if this be it

then I wish to be
embraced by this
light and once more
feel the warmth
of its smile

eyes in dark abyss

the eyes dark and distant

cold and untouchable
they’ve seen the heinous
the worst of man
bring not only death
to another but imposing
pain

they severed limbs

but before this
they make them scream
eyes welt with tears
beg for a kind reprieve
but they know never
will they see again
and hold their love ones

the fires of hell

explode wantonly about
the mind and heart
has succumb to
the shards of fear
how long a life time
is a year

the mind has blackened

stored and compartmentalized
what the eyes have seen
even by ones own hand
never to speak of it
to oneself again let alone
to any other 
back at home 

and life trickles by

in minutes and hours
days/nights become indiscernible  
when eyes have entered
in that black abyss
and others can only see
their reflection because
they can’t see in

  

Welcome Home Soldiers back from Hell

night to day

I embrace thee

for the spirit
of the night
has released me
to the day

walk along a path

many have before me
not of earthen soil
but in time and space
with a soul
of human race

where and how

my destiny unfolds
but with meager
farthings to behold
until there’s love
within my heart
my soul
my eyes shan’t open
nor rest shall come
I am told

I welcome thee

spirit of the day
where the foals  
in your arms,
the wind, all
come out to play

until the days longings

brush back my hair
to lay my head again
upon the lap of night
I shall not rest
until my heart, my soul
hath given thee
all that I must
dear salient daylight

touch

waste not a minute

or five
of this moment
be alive

 Breath

feel the tips

of your fingers
touch your brow
and your toes

let all the sounds

fill your ears
and your eyes, the day.
let the scents consume
your nose

sense your

heart beat faster
as the wind
teases the tender
of your skin

when the black

of night hides
the day
let them play tag
embrace the verve
of life, within

when possible

extend your hand to
someone especially in
their hour of need
for we’re all part
of this, lets eliminate
the greed 

Blessings be with
you: Moore, OK.

Feliz Dia de Madre's

Esto es para todas mi amigas

En esta casa

todas lindas mujeres

 fueran de hijas

hermanas

senoritas

senoras

pero  

 mas importante

siempre son

Madre’s del mundo

 

con amor!

 

Feliz Dia de Madre

grey

the grey of the day

slows time
thrashes it about
into the throngs
of memories
to yesterdays

this day grows slow

the grey
cools the
balmy May wind
swirling it playfully
by the Sun's rays

I do not whine

or complain,
for this grey
gently replaces
les noir of my hair
that has stored the days
of yesteryear

a grey veil

shall cover my eyes
from the rainbows
of my youth
but under this cover of grey
lie the wondrous colors
of many a sunny day

 ‘…lift not the painted veil

which those who live,
call life’
Percy Bysshe Shelley

the dreamer

a dreamer is the creator

of life

a smile evinces

from a dream filled mind

the eyes that sparkle

is not from the reflection
of the stars but from
the dream within

 the heart flutters

from romance
created in the dreamers heart

he dreams of her

her of him
the feeling surreal
but true

exchange of an empathetic hand

comes from a dreamers wish
that all be calm

 a community revels

in the good that’s come
of the day
tired of anguish and sorrow
they stand and applaud
in the streets

love is a notion

from the dreams
of a dreamer

Healing

mellifluous, her voice in song
still pleasure the ears
to which she gave birth

her picture sits quietly
on her private alter
our two souls sit
dangling legs on the mantle

how salivating and wonderful
my stomach recalls
her homemade tortillas,
arose con pollo

soulfully come together
on my birthday ironically
on the numeric same day
of her passing

this coincidence brings
our two souls closer
where life and death
is joined by love

Sated Crescent Moon

 the Crescent Moon

     waits knowing soon
          while consuming light
               it will be full

                          the Sea it waves

                            at the Moon
                            with joy for sharing
                                its feed of light

                                             the Owl perched

                                          with eyes wide open
                                             observes the wisdom
                                               of this gathering

                                                          while my eyes sleep
                                                the Moon beams
                                               kiss the Sea
                                             rhe starlet’s glitter
                                            with glee

                                                when I wake
                                       I shall revel
                                     knowing there was
                                   Love goings on

                                     dawning of the Sun

                             smiles in brilliant rays
                          sharing with the Day
                       as it did sating the
                     Crescent Moon