am i alone, when walking about in these now diurnal days,
with the feeling that all around me seems to be a dusting of
a nebulous cloud where nothing is clear, whether by sight
or by sound, all is darkened by casted shadows of uncaring
souls and the hurtful vitriol harkening from their voices
where once there were sparks of joy, inspiration, and hope
evincing from shadows cast on shady days and neighbor ladies
were outside on lawns sharing turnips for tomatoes, potatoes
for lettuce, whilst their children played together and
fathers
shared a beer as the waft from the kitchen stoves pervade
dusk would arrive quietly and the lights from abodes would
ornament the streets as the moon would begin to light the
sky coming from the reflection of the sun dawning its restful
sleep onto the crimson horizon and one could see little
twinkles
of flickering stars coming out to play in the noir of night
this delight of calm and peace, a setting where the days’
work
was arduous but then the evenings’ rest comes as mom and
dads sat next to each other on sofas and the children now
with
eyes closed lay their heads on pillows in bed with bellies
sated,
and tranquility sets in, steals from the busy of the day
i close mine eyes to try to sleep
but my thoughts run and run
whilst if they must i try to focus
in the present but they always
seem to reflect upon the past
then because they do not wish
to rest, to bring dreams of lilies,
daffodils and verdant fields, they
come juxtaposed of faces, smiles
and tears, those from yesteryear
is it because they wish to speak
to me once more, letting me know
they’re okay, they’re still present
for my heart and spirit still to touch,
they are with me, are near, are here
i wish them well and glad to hear
but my world is still with my loved
ones in the present to hold their
hand, to kiss their cheek and feel
a warm embrace, their arms in mine
when i open mine eyes, her face
laying next to mine and she opens
hers, we greet with smiles then our
lips touch gently, she asks ‘did you
sleep well’, i say ‘yes, i am here’
sitting in the dark, still and quiet in my alone time
and space i hear a soft whisper, turn my head around
but no one else is here, try to discern the words being
said finally, i capture these words being spoken
~why am i sitting alone, where did i go wrong, is
this because of the choices i have made, the path
i’ve taken, or are these just words from a song that i
i heard before and had forgotten, should i feel sad
and lonely or should there be joy within me because
i’m still breathing, my hands and feet are intact able
to move, my heart is till beating, i have warmth inside
my abode, my love ones next to me~
i realize these are not whispers but my spirit speaking
to me of being more present, grateful, to this pleasure,
and when mine eyes open to the morning sun, listen
to the birds for they will be singing my song
~do not close your eyes to the transition of season for then your world will not be fulfilled, at minimum, will not expand beyond the narrowness of which you reside. embrace all with your total sensoria and you will better understand the reason for your presence~
`...be open to the elements of the universe not just hereon this
floating earthen ware but in all that surrounds it,
marellano
~it's healthy to be ok~
if i could, i would have ceased the things i should,
make healthier choices, play in the wildflowers more,
listen to the river’s ripples closer, the birds and their
songs, watching the trees sway and listening to the
wisdom of the wind as do they while clouds soar o’er,
embrace with mine eyes the grandness of mountains,
watching the animals scurry through and play in forests,
allowing the rain to tickle my skin while smelling the
waft of petrichor, dancing to Mozart, Chopin, to Yo
Yo Ma, to Placido Domingo and other opera greats,
admiring the artworks of Dali, Michelangelo, Da Vinci,
Monet, Monet, the Wyeths, Van Gogh, O’Keefe, etc.
have read more words on writ by the wise who wished
to share while enriching my taste buds with Nature’s
fruits, be still and quiet, listening more, but of all this,
would have immerse my heart and spirit with the very
fiber makeup of the universes, that being, Love
if i had wings i would fly day and night,
no matter how far, to be with you
if there was a mountain to climb, no matter
how high, i would hike to the top to put your
hand in mine
if i was on an island and we were oceans apart
i’d ride the waves over to sit on the beach by
your side
if time came for mine eyes to close for that journey
beyond, do not weep, for my heart and spirit will
always be next to yours
like the sun to the flower and tree, or the moon to
the stars or the sea, we are the same, you and me
crystalline dew drops are clinging on the stems
of daisies and daffodils this crisp morning where
soon the sun will bathe with golden rays on these
droplets, displaying tiny rainbow colors that will
dance in the breezes
mine eyes glisten with their reflections and a
smile evinces upon my face, whilst i cherish with
joy this moment of intermingling as the day begins,
a fluttering takes place inside my chest so then my
feet begin dancing onto another day
~thankyou to begin the day~
some days i awaken to realize that i am tethered in
this incarnate shell that is grateful for the feel of the
breeze that titillates its covering we call skin, grateful
for the lenses that are recessed in ‘les tete’, capturing
the wonder of birds perched on trees then floating with
ease, the wind beneath their wings, soaring with ease
under the cottons hanging from the azure canvas above,
grateful of the musical sounds mine ears behold when
these feathered friends then begin to marry their voices
with each other for a choir of song
and then i realize and feel something beating in my chest,
a soft and gentle cadence of rhythm that seems to heighten
when mine eyes and ears capture the sights and sounds
before me, as the big yellow fiery ball begins to rise from
the
horizon and makes all the colors of flora around me ebullient
and warm, they seem to come alive when these golden rays
lay upon their petals allowing them to display their true
beauty,
the multitude of floral colors causing a noticeable flutter
within, my ‘heart’, then followed by a calming peace that
comes o’er the whole of this incarnate shell, of where my
‘being’ resides
for today i will rise from this supine state and shall move
these
appendages to carry me outside where the aesthetic of Nature
resides and shall walk amidst its bounty of beauty when i will
then raise mine eyes to look up then around, smell the waft
of the day, feel the presence of my being in its midst and be
thankful for this pleasure, be grateful for this gift that so
many
have not the fortunes of, and if they do, are not cognizant
of it
thus disappearing by ungratefulness or that which is called
death…
~thankyou, as mine eyes close to rest~
love looking at Nature art, great art, different styles,
different eras,
seeing it is most satisfying, a pleasing aesthetic to mine
eyes that
conjures thoughts of the artist who painted this beauty,
where
were they, what was in their minds, their hearts, to want to
try to
capture, replicate Nature’s intrinsic beauty
i walk out of my abode to traverse through pathways where the
wildflowers grow on their canvas, where trees hover o’er and
during
Autumn displays their colors, the fauna plays in this garden
and though
i am titillated by an artist’s interpretation of Nature,
still life on canvas
mine eyes are enraptured by living flora and fauna, by the waft
and feel
on my fingertips of sunflower petals, the vocals and visual
beauty of
our feathered friends
as the latter part of my life begins to encroach upon me
mine eyes begin to diminish in sight and the color of leaves
on trees in Autumn seem to have lost their orange and reds
and mine ears only hear muffled sounds of when once were
a choir of mellifluous sounds from my feathered friends that
would wake me in the morn, and the waft of petrichor when
a slight of drizzling rain would fall from the grey cottons
above,
the feel of droplets tickling my face as i look upward where
not too long from now my spirit will reside
when all this will soon come to be, i will reside in the
wonder
of my memories when Spring brought the nascence of new
budding flora, the birds would sing me songs where mine ears
would listen with joy and the waft of rain fall upon the
earth
beneath my feet would cause them to dance and feel of your
touch upon my cheek would always feel like kisses and the
love
in all four chambers of my heart would flutter with love,
this
will not cease when this incarnate shell lays rest, my spirit
will
carry with it unto my next sojourn, the love that never
ceases
for it is omnipresent, never ending…
we all await the aesthetic beauty of the Autumn
change of attire, crispness in the air, the brilliance
of the nighttime stars and the white lunar face
lighting up the noir of nocturnal part of day
and while we take pleasure in this Nature’s annual
transformation with our fortunes in a state of being
where we can freely walk out of our abode to take
respite underneath this glorious view, remember those
who cannot
whether because of physical incapability or mental
instability from psycho trauma and being alone, not
having the comfort of a ‘home’ to walk out of due to
poverty or worse the portent of bombs raining down
we must be grateful of what we have, remember those
whose liberties are not theirs, the families, the children
who, because of someone’s selfish and uncaring actions
cause loss of freedoms and be witness in the beauty of ‘Fall’
if you read my words, your eyes scan over them,
remember that they came to my fingertips to
display on writ the moments of my being, where
life pricked me, stung my heart, asked my spirit
to become one with my surroundings
wherefore are you, to make judgement as good
or bad of what i express in my heart, what i have
gathered when i walked amidst the creation of
my wonder, my wanderings, the moments that
touched me and helped me realize my presence
when you read my words, remember they are of
me not of you, not of your moments but those
that were assembled around my being and if
by chance they touch you then embrace them
as yours, for i wrote them to share with you…
when my body is laid down to rest and my spirit
is no longer present in this mundane sojourn, will
my thoughts; curiosities, observations, queries, my
hearts’ embracing’s, the resulting tears and joys
dissipate onto a nebulous time and space?
will some other mind and spirit recall that which i
have left behind and will someone somewhere sing
the songs i loved, those that i chanted out loud when
in a moment of melancholy or those that spoke words
uplifting to my spirit and made my feet dance?
when my earthbound incarnate shell is laid to rest,
will there be someone curious about the words i left
behind in writ and will they then feel in their heart and
spirit the same as i did when my fingertips relayed my
life’s observations, the caring’s of me, within?
are others sitting quietly in repose as i am
at two in the a.m., as the cicadas and crickets
entertain my still and silence with their chirps
to the otherwise nocturnal stay of where all
other diurnal life is at sleep and at rest?
i ponder upon that which became my day and
what of others became of it, having a day
with moments of joy or was it filled with the
angst of life’s sojourn or, so too, with fear
arising from someone else’s nefarious ways?
sometimes i wish, knowing that my wishing
does not affect what may become, that the
kindness of the universal spirit dance with
all our spirits so that this floating experiment
in space could witness the kindness of its being
this is what i ponder upon while at my early
morning sleepless cogitative state and so i listen
to Nature’s nocturnal terrestrial sounds with my
window ajar and to the soft play of classical music
of Chopin, Debussy, Segovia, Fellini,
Brahms,
and, of course, Mozart, etc…
a few years now, i have been encumbered by sadness,
more so than prior years before. the days have seemingly
grown shorter in time only because i desire for the angst
and the anguish my heart feels, to cease, therefore i wish
for time to move beyond these moments. my spirit has
lessen its steps of dance in life’s music of verve yet i know
wishing time passing does not assuage the pain of
sadness and sorrow. for life is a mixture, a collage of
lament and joy, and it is this that i know about life, that
i must embrace all that arises, like the sunrise and sunset,
the moon and stars, the wind with its titillating cool
breezes,
its refreshing petrichor of drizzling rain, so too, its
storms.
i cherish these moments left in my life for i am more
fortunate
than many for my longevity, for the gatherings of my joys,
and, still, the lucidity of my thoughts, my heart still beats
and
loves, and yes, although my steps have become slower and
more careful than carefree, my spirit still is dancing…